I feel so much more mortal now that I just lost my last living grandparent (my mom's mother) last week.
C.S. Lewis said it best when he said, "You do not have a soul, you ARE a soul." The Bible tells us that unfortunately, we are born into a fallen creation. As such, eventually, the body that houses our soul will deteriorate and fail us, and we will pass away.
About 22 years ago, I was in Ashland, Alabama at the Clay County Hospital the night that my grandfather died. We called him Grandpapa. I was too young back then to understand what it all really meant. I just knew that my Grandpapa would be gone forever. Shortly afterward, we took Grandmother back to her house.
I remember feeling intimidated by the weight of the emotion in Grandmother's den. It was quiet, but you could feel it. Not knowing what else to do, I approached Grandmother and asked her what I could do to help. I was unprepared for her response as she harshly told me, "Just leave me alone!" as she stormed down the hallway.
I know now that what I saw that night was not anger or hostility. It was hurt and pain. It was true heartbreak. That moment has served as the benchmark for deep emotional pain that I have measured all other painful events in my life and those that I have witnessed in the lives of others next to.
I'm going to miss the beautiful Clay County courthouse just one block from Grandmother's house.
I'm going to miss the visits to Ashland where I would play in Grandpapa and Grandmother's yard and sheds, the empty maid's home, and the swing attached to a large tree in the backyard.
The last tangible thing remaining from my childhood relationship with my Grandpapa is the hanging remnant of the rope that once held the tree swing.
The small piece of joy that I found in my Grandmother's funeral this week was the fact that she was now reunited with my Grandpapa. The pain that I witnessed so many years ago (and has stayed with me for all these years) had come full circle. I can't imagine the broken heart that Grandmother lived through for the rest of her life, but now I rejoice that it is over and she can be with him again!
Ashland, Alabama is a two hour drive from home, so naturally and regrettably I did not see my Grandmother as much as my grandparents that lived just three houses away from me.
Because of this, I don't know if Grandmother ever knew that I had become a Believer, but in April 1998 I did. I can't explain it other than it was a moment while away at college when I was chosen by God, and I opened my heart right then for Jesus to enter. The unbelievable, supernatural feeling I experienced has to be just a hint of what Heaven is. I knew that it was real BECAUSE I was old enough to know when something was real. After that day, you could say that there was a concrete floor built beneath my feet that would never allow me to spiritually return to where I was before I was chosen. Every day of my life since then has had a peace and a purpose, and the greatest joy of all is to build a family with that Peace of God as the foundation.
I know that my Grandmother felt a thousand times greater than the taste of Heaven I received in 1998 as she entered Heaven this week and saw Jesus himself and Grandpapa finally again.
People often say that my daughters look like me, or more specifically, my mom. What they don't know is that the girls really look like my Grandmother (as does my mom). I see it at least once every day when they smile or make a specific facial expression. Maybe in that way, Grandmother's legacy can live on.
I wish that Grandmother had known that every night when I read my Bible, I am using a bookmark that she gave me many years ago. It is a small, laminated bookmark, depicting Jesus. I will be using that bookmark in my Bible for the rest of my life.
Like C.S. Lewis would agree, when we die, we take nothing with us but our soul. But the memories and experiences and love with all my grandparents, their homes, the small town of Ashland, and the true meaning of family ARE a part of my soul. And all these things WILL be coming to Heaven with me when it's my turn.
To all of my grandparents: I LOVE YOU and I can't wait to see you again!
In loving memory in the order that they left this world:
Willis Woodall Rodgers (Grandpapa)
Alva Ernest "Buster" Latham, Jr. (Grandaddy)
Minnie Paffe Latham (Grandmother)
She would hate this picture, but it's all I have on my computer. Sorry Grandmother!
Ruby Doris Rodgers
Don't live your life without meaning. There is love, meaning, and peace through Jesus and those He puts into your life. Or in my case, those to whom He trusted with my life when I came into this world.
5 comments:
Great post, Robbie! Thanks for sharing. I loved reading this about your family :)
So sorry for your loss Robbie! Beautiful post.
My late Grandfather was from Ashland, Roy L. Thomas but he changed his name because he was born Leroy Thomas. My great-grandfather was a farmer in Ashland and his name was Huey L. Thomas. I bet they knew your family. Governor Riley is related to members of our family b/c he's from Ashland as well.
Praying peace for your family. Blessings, Laura Gail
wow, Robby, congrats on a very heart felt post, though I know it is a subject hard to post about. It took me about 6 months to post about my mom passing; death and grief is a hard subject to post about no matter who your loved one is.
I miss them all, too. We were lucky to have most of them for so long.
Beautiful Robbie. Thanks for sharing your heart!
Post a Comment